Our downstairs toilet cracked in half and flooded (clean water, thank goodness) the downstairs last night. We managed to cut off the water eventually, but we covered the floor in blankets and towels to stem the tide. A maintenance guy was here for the past three hours this morning installing a new toilet.
ME: The toilet is fixed now.
WORST ROOMMATE EVER: What?
ME: The toilet is fixed. It flooded yesterday?
WORST ROOMMATE EVER: Is it broken?
ME: No, it’s fixed now.
WORST ROOMMATE EVER: I’m sorry.
ME: No, I’m just telling you it’s fixed now. In case you were wondering about all the wet towels and blankets on the floor.
WORST ROOMMATE EVER: No.
I honestly don’t know how she missed it. She must have registered their presence and then assumed we had decorated the floor with molding fabric for shits and giggles.
Over the holiday, my sister told me my taste in media is confusing and inconsistent. Then she complained that my dad does not understand her tastes when she is obviously so good at understanding other people’s. Irony was not noted.
A dog is the only creature in the world that will give you 100% of its love for 10% of yours. Dogs inspire us to be worthy of them. #ILoveDogsOK #EverythingIsBetterWithDogs
So, since you, fine, I brought it up….
I have been told by, like, four different cat owners in the past week that they wouldn’t be able to deal with how clingy a dog is.
Are you guys serious?
I stayed with my dad for the holidays and he has three cats, all of whom think it’s an insult if your attention (or hands) have momentarily shifted from the important work of petting them. I can just tell my dog to sit somewhere else and she does and then I get back to work. At worst, she’ll creep under my desk and warm my feet. Mostly, though, she’s happy so long as we both dose ourselves with the outside world once a day and take bathroom breaks.
And I’ve never met a cat who would let you nap on her the way my dog does.
She opened the door to the bathroom while I was getting in the shower.
At least this time I was able to guess her wonky reasoning and thus avert the typical encounter after she’s done something like this where I just stare at her with my mouth open and she leaves thinking she’s explained her behavior and it is thus fine in future.
Her: But I didn’t come in the bathroom.
Me: Ah, yes, but you opened the door which is also not acceptable.
Her: But I wanted to get something from the bathroom.
Me: You are welcome to wait until after I’ve showered.
Beethoven epitome (still fuck up this one) continuity
scythe epitome facade (also dedicated to thinking “infidel” meant someone who cheats on their significant other because I read “infidelity” first.)
Androgynous Derisive and divisive Epitome Disconcerting
ETA: Analogous, a word I use a lot at work but cannot say.
Just so everyone knows: my grandfather became a Rhodes Scholar because of how badly he pronounced “Nietzsche” in his interview. They were so impressed that he’d pursued his own education—even without a mentor to help him pronounce the names of the authors—that they accepted him.
After literally months of being mocked for being too superficial regarding the job market when I worried about an appropriate purse, outfit, and coat, I have been officially vindicated. The woman in charge of the jobseekers meeting yesterday started saying, “—and women should be careful about what their bags say about them in the interview—” and people giggled a little (the same people who have been mocking me HA IN YOUR FACE), but the lady was like, “This is serious. This could get or lose you a job.” They shut right up.
One of my friends—who has not been mocking per se but has not believed me either—met my eyes over the table and mouthed “shopping tomorrow?”
So. Ha. I am right.
What? It’s better to gloat on tumblr than at her face, amirite?
I am so so so so so so so sick of my brother calling me to complain about the reasonable people around him and the basic facts about the world and then getting indignant when I don’t pamper his poor hurt feelings.
He actually just said: “I don’t see why you have to keep disagreeing with me.”
Gee, I better shut up and let the man talk, gosh darn it. Back to the kitchen with me.